Sleep Was Better at Home

Sleep Was Better at Home

March 18, 1994
Saturday
11:00 a.m.

I slept better at home than in the hospital, though the wounds and cuts itched just as much. My backside hummed like a transformer from all the shots... ugh...

A nurse had moved into the apartment. I don’t remember her face, but I remember her soft hands. After each shot I’d drop into a doze, dreaming and still hearing everything, right down to the ticking of the minute hand on the wall clock.

Zhorik told the story of the week with the nurse afterwards, drawing spheres in the air: tits like that! ass like that! face – the spitting image of Goldie Hawn, and you lying there like a marrow, sticking your backside out. Oy vey, what a girl!

After the pantomime, Zhorik bragged that he’d hooked Chicha up with Putchist, who was handing out loans left and right. There wasn’t a better debt collector in all of Moscow. Chicha’s athletes would squeeze the debt out of anybody. Putchist, by the way, had already been renamed Pinochet.

«What’s in it for us?» I didn’t get why Zhorik was so pleased. I’d been hoping he’d sic Chicha on my enemies and make them disappear.

– Roma, you are an official valenok! I could write you out a certificate! Haven’t you noticed the market is stuffed with booze? Skimming two ends the way we used to won’t work. The free ride is over. We’re expanding. Don’t worry, put on «Search and Destroy»! We have to find a project to put money into and go at it hammer and tongs! Half a million is sunk into booze, and that’s wrong. Money should be scattered over the plantation, not buried under a fir tree like Pinocchio!

Zhorik dashed to the fridge, then to the cabinet, filled a glass with liquor, drained it:

«Follow the logic. Chicha squeezes goods out of Pinochet’s debtors. What do we do with the squeezed goods? Right! Sell them through your little dolls. Have them find out the going market rate and undercut it slightly, no dumping. Two-thirds goes to Chicha and Vadik, a third to us for development. You following?»

«No.»

«You really are a valenok! What did the quacks say? When do you go back to work?»

«In a week.»

«Excellent. You start the day after tomorrow! Karabas will pick you up in the Durandal — it’s yours now. I got myself a sweet Beemer, named it the Balmung. Watch how the stuff Chicha brings in gets worked. If the goods aren’t your line but sell fast, start up a new line. Don’t sweat where to get more — Pinochet will hand over the paperwork filled out when the loans were issued. Supplier contacts, purchase prices. We clear it through customs via Anton. The doll who shifted Chicha’s goods you make head of the new department, and you set him one job — generate profit.»

«I’m not going to trade in stolen goods.»

«Why stolen? It’s yours, by law.»

«By which law?»

«By every law. Pinochet hasn’t got any money of his own. The only thing floating about in his bank is your millions, which he lends out on his own responsibility and gets back if a borrower has shat himself. Gets it back with Chicha’s help. Clear?»

«Yes.»

Zhora took off. A day later I showed up at the office looking like a movie commissar, wrapped head to toe in bandages. The guys were cracking up: «Watch that arm, Senya!»

 

A month passed. I sat in my office, going through reports, stunned by Chicha’s enthusiasm: he was unloading two or three truckloads of consumer goods into Khryakino every week. Chicha’s crew no longer numbered a dozen sharp-eyed kids like before, but three times that many, and twice as big besides. Blacked-out Cherokees, Pajeros, Tahoes, Explorers, and Land Cruisers, along with countless VAZ «Eights,» parked outside the Terem.

The results of Chicha’s enthusiasm were unsettling. Somewhere in the back of my mind stirred a discomfort with the fact that Chicha was robbing honest businessmen and I was profiting from it. But in the front of my mind, new rules took hold: don’t waste my money and you’ll be spared Chicha’s attention.

I funneled the profit into Vatrushka. It financed borrowers. If loans went unpaid, measures were taken to recover them. Chicha was returning my own money through a roundabout, casuistic method — but it was the method available.

I’d sigh and head off to the institute for my practicum. Things at Proma carried on without me.

Notes

Голди Хоун

Goldie Hawn — the Hollywood standard of feminine beauty that reached 1990s Russia through the video-rental boom
The Stooges

The Stooges were an American rock band that became one of the founders of punk rock and proto-punk. The band formed in 1967 in Michigan, led by frontman Iggy Pop (born James Osterberg) with the Asheton brothers — Ron (guitar) and Scott (drums) — and bassist Dave Alexander.